Sunday, December 26, 2004

Sparks or no sparks?

What are sparks?
Sparks are present when u rub the open ends of the wires of an open circuit together.
Sparks are present when u rub 2 hard surfaces against each other.
And most importantly, sparks are present when 2 persons are in love.

But of course, there is a difference in the definition of sparks in the last example, and yet it could be similar as well.
Lets take a kiss for example, be it an act of desire, lust, affection or concern, people usually encounter sparks or no sparks. The sparks here refers to the special affinity felt when kissing, the resonance of frequency or wavelength between 2 people. When there's no sparks, it usually lead to the conclusion that 2 people are not meant for each other because they would deem it a natural process or encounter if 2 people are meant to be together.

After my first and biggest relationship, i thought i had learnt everything i needed to know about handling relationships, including intimacy. But i was wrong.... and actually many people are...

Here's the question....
How many of us had previous relationships that had kisses full of sparks? Probably the result of strong desires and lust? And how many of them are already history?

Haha... the strange irony isn't it? Many people overlooked the fact that the presence of sparks do not meant compatibility or garantee the success of union between 2 people. So how many of us encountered cold, dead lips when we kissed? Does that mean the person may not be incompatible to you after all? Any more chance?

Welllll..., not entirely true either. It depends on a whole lot of factors, such as is the other party concentrating at the point in time when they are kissing? Or are there numerous thoughts going true his/her mind during kissing, what i called distractions? Anxiety, nervousness, or even keeping their options open are common reasons as well. And i have just recently encountered this reason, they could even be asking themselves:"What am i doing? Is it right? What was my previous boyfriend's kisses like?" Hah...

In the event that this happens to you, you had better re-assess the relationship then. Will the other party listen to you and try again, this time without all these distractions? Or has the other party already succumbed to these misconceptions of incompatibility, and is too stubborn to listen to you? I would advised people to just give up if the second possibilty strikes, because there is just no point in carrying on making things right when the other party dun even wanna give it another shot, because they no longer love you enough to put in more effort.

Two palms are needed to clap.

No doubt about it.

In my search for answers, i decided to ask my friends and people who are married on their ideas of sparks.

14 yr-old girls at Taka, Deidrea, Stefani and Noelle: No sparks means the girl dun like you lor.... Or you all are not compatible, or both of you aren't meant to be together?

Michelle,21, and Steven, 23, couple: Sparks are not all the time one, can't kissing just be a show of concern? Must it be full of sparks and everything nice? We still love each other even though when there's no sparks wat. Think it all depends on the atmosphere, location, condition of participants and thoughts of the participants at the point of time.

Andy, 21 year old bud,attached: Yes, got sparks. But not all the time la. Sometimes also dunno why no sparks leh. But you got what you want anyway isn't it? *Wink*

Eugene, 23 year old NUS arts undergrad: What? Because of no sparks then called it incompatibility? Crazy ah? Then there'll be no lovebirds in this world liao.

Wendy, married 27 yr old: Me and my husband has no sparks at all. It doesn't matter, we know we love each other. Love and sparks are different.

Elvin, 27 yr old manager of mine: Sparks? As long as both parties know they love each other, sparks dun matter at all. How can u have sparks even after quarreling? Sparks aren't garanteed all the time one wat. Its committment i tell you, thats the most important thing. No long lasting relationship will have sparks all the time one. Let those who believes in this foolish thinking to go on fantasizing about their prince charming who will swept them off their feet and live happily ever after. I tell you, they only place they'll get to is to the bed! I'm sorry bro, but ur gf isn't mature enough to see this fact that relationships aren't build on what is shown in the movies, in romance books or what many girls are dreaming of. Sparks can be created easily. Let all those love-cheats teach them a lesson lor, only thru that way then they'll learn. Persuading and caring for them dun work, so let them try it for themselves lor. Dun take it upon yourself.

Even though these feedbacks do not represent the views of everybody in Singapore, they do show some trends.

As the age of the interviewees increased, implying maturity and more experiences in relationships, there is an increase in number of people who believes that sparks are not what makes up a relationship, but rather, committment and the feelings for each other is. All those romance shows and fiction novels have polluted the minds of many, planting seeds of misconceptions in love and romance. How i wish i could burn all these evil things! I too, have succumbed before, and now you...

The words of my manager truly moved me. That was what i see all along, even though i can't confirm that i'm correct. I just didn't know how to make you see my point, wisdom of personal experiences. Perhaps you are like the rest of the girls who dun see the danger, or appreciate what i'm doing today. Or perhaps you are doing something which you think is the best for us but which is not actually and too stubborn to listen to me. I dun know, you dun wanna say, how to see thru the barrier you erected before me.

Elvin also told me that he and his girlfriend are also complete opposites, but they complement each other completely. Which he confirmed, is actually good. Just like even though you know how to talk and do business, u also need to know all the paper work and admin stuff to make your whole business complete, and i feel that you make me complete. Maybe i didn't have the chance to make you complete, thats why the feeling isn't mutual. But thats already history.

Among many things, the reasons you gave wasn't satisfactory and i'm not being stubborn. Perhaps its really just a change in heart, or perhaps its just "For the greater good" motto that you follow that you did this to me, but i forgive you. I knew you as the kind-hearted soul who pulled me up when i was down, who was there for me when i needed you, who did truly loved me and showed me gentleness like no other. And this will never change for as long as i remember, for as long as i live.

But i'll back off, and release you to seek your desires and ideology.

Only then would you realise...
Only then would it really be fulfilled...
The prophercy of the shooting star...
If fate decrees...
We'll meet again in our hearts...

Words from a friend:
" I'll be here if you need me...
So come to me...
Always... "




alvinz blogged at 2:18 PM

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