Sunday, January 30, 2005

Shit happens...

You know how people always say that good and bad things come all at one shot together?
You either get a lump of gold or a lump of shit...
Guess now's the time that i get all the shit...

The numerous appointments i've gone for all returned nil results... promises to "start saving in future" aka rejections, are more common than ever. This has result in a snowball deficit in my production for this month, and there's an ever increasing pressure on my part to perform as well, perhaps due to my "never-say-die combine with stubborn" attitude.

But really, nothing beats what happened today!

I was kana fly kite twice in a row, which leads me on a wild goose chase around the island...

Re-enactment scene 1:

Me: Hi F***er, just to confirm with you, i'm seeing you at tampines mrt at 6? Is that fine with you?

F***er: No problem.

Me: Ok, so i meet you at the control station ar? But how do i reach you if we really dun see each other? You told me you got no handphone right?

F***er: oh ya, nevermind, i'll bring your handphone number along with me so i can call you on the public phone. Anyway, i'll be riding my bicycle there.

Me: Ok good, you better be careful riding your bicycle. See you there!

This person gave me the impression that he is a very thrifty person who just dun know a better tool in which to grow his savings. Hmmm.... no handphone and still can save $100 every month, an NSF... not bad mah... seems quite a good boy to me...

I was darn happy that this guy could well be my first case in weeks... And i went down happily to Tampines mrt to meet him...

6p.m.-Hmm... maybe i'm too early, its normal for clients to be late anyway.

6:15p.m-Hmm... i better call his house again to check that he is not sleeping or something. I called and his mum said he has gone out a while ago. Ok, not too bad, still on the way maybe?

6:30p.m-This doesn't look good... What if this poor guy kana knock down by car or something while cycling? Shit...

6:45p.m-Hmmm.... Somehow i think its really not gonna be my day liao... Called his house again...

Me: Hello, auntie ar? F***er suppose to meet me at 6 at tampines mrt and up till now he's still not here yet leh. I'm worried if anything has happened to him?

Mum:(In hokkien) You are his friend ar? You dun have his handphone number?

Me:(stunned) Nope, he didn't give me.

Mum: Aiyo that child... Ok, you try calling his number (********)

Wah... first sign that things will not turn out the way i wanted it to be. He has a handphone?
Nevermind, i give this person another chance, i'll wait until 7.

7p.m- (Dialed ********)

Me: Hello, may i speak to F****er?

F****er: (in ah beng tone) Who is this? Aiyo...

Me: I'm alvin, I thought we were suppose to meet at tampines mrt at 6?

F****er: (stunned) Aiyo, wrong number la, I dunno you.

Me: Whats your name? Whats this number again?

F****er: Aiya, wrong number already still want me to tell you my name? Bye la bye la...

*Hung up*

WTF? I recognised that voice lor, even though its in ah beng tone lor...
Fine! Gave up... Just isn't my day....
Well, now then i realised the difference between waiting for someone whom u r sure, will turn up, and waiting for someone whom u r not sure will turn up or not, and in the end, didn't turn up also...

I was on the verge of a nuclear meltdown at that time liao... Cannot, need to cool down, not worth getting over this kind of shitty person... God knows why they exist. Dun want should have just rejected me there and then mah, still want me to go down there to wait for him... Very fun meh? Go and die la!

And just as i thought that the worst was over, i asked my friend out for supper, hoping to share some of these miseries with him when instead, he flew my kite for the rest of the night. Good thing i managed to entertain myself playing lan alone at the lan shop nearby. And i'm not that stupid to just keep on waiting there... Reached home at 12, and that was when he got back to me... but it doesn't matter anymore.

Haiz... I took some time to think about all these things while climbing up the hill to my house, why sometimes, life must be this way? Perhaps it only applies to me? I've heard a lot of people telling me that there's no point in pursuing so much about money, about our future because all are predestined already... But may i ask all these people, so why are all of you living your life now? When you can't even show that the main purpose of living your life is for yourself, but instead, resign yourself to fate, which makes you just an actor playing a role as directed by the director, is your life worth living then?

This strikes a chord with me again as i recalled the numerous times when i've met with defeat where i told myself that even if my fate has been arranged already, i would still want to go against it, and something tells me that this will never change for me. Fate becomes real only when you've resign to it, just as giving up is to failure. A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins!

Perhaps tomorrow will be my lucky day? Luck is for the unprepared.... Creating chances for myself increases the possibility that i can clinch a deal, thus making me luckier isn't it?

Even if the whole world is against me, even if i'm all alone in this battle, i must never forget the purpose of my sole existence, and be the lonewolf that hunts down every obstacle with courage and bravery...

As i trudge towards a new beginning tomorrow, assessing the damages done to my worn body, i figure it will take more than a much needed rest tonight to heal myself completely, but we'll see how it goes...

Another battle awaits...


alvinz blogged at 1:47 AM

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