Tuesday, December 05, 2006
An overnight outsider...I feel like an outsider...
not knowing anything...
i dunno how is she coping with her new job,
whether her ex has been trying hard to win her back,
whether she has any progress on her thinking...
I wanna call her, wanna sms her but i know i cant...
i have the urge to just rush down to her workplace to fetch her home from work since its so late at night but i know i cant...
i dun wanna be unfair...
i'm a stupid honest guy when it comes to listening to what my girl commanded...
but i think my stupid honesty is gonna cost me...
wat if she became more touched if her ex went to fetch her?
or continue to sms sweet nothings to her?
i dunno whether is she gonna appreciate my effort at respecting her commands...
i'm a sucky honest guy...
and i'm gonna suffer for it...
i just feel like i have no control, no say in anything thats happening now,
i dunno the deadline,
i dunno what prompted her to start this thinking thru period now,
maybe it was her ex who asked her to reconsider again?
i'm so lost...
it was such a big bomb, a bomb that exploded right in front of me,
and i'm in a daze...
i could still remember the time where we were actually discussing about her feelings for her ex with me during the previous thinking thru period... but now, it seems like i can't help her discuss it in the unbiased way anymore, i cant prevent her thinking from making her depress anymore, i cant protect her anymore, i cant do so many things for her anymore...
Girl, u ask me what do i like about you before and i didn't tell you this point because when i say it, it'll make me feel so jealous... but i still like this point about you...
This quality of you remaining so faithful to the person u love is what i really love about you...
it is so true, so determined so precious that i really feel that whoever can win your heart is really blessed to have you as his girlfriend cos even though you are such a wonderful girl who would not have shortage of attention from other guys, your guy will still be able to feel secure going thru the relationship with you...
and why do i cherish this quality of yours is also because i am like you too... and i feel that the only girl who deserves to be loved in the way that i loved and cherish her is to have someone who would love and cherish me back in the same way... thats why i always have this belief that you are the one for me cos it is so rare to find someone with so many specific qualities that i'm looking for...
but now i'm an outsider...
it seems like if this thing does not turn in my way,
we'll never be the soulmate that we both recognised each other to be, anymore...
alvinz blogged at 9:06 PM
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