Friday, December 08, 2006

sad songs sad mood sad atmosphere...

whenever i'm sad, i like to listen to sad songs,
just like her...
and i dunno why,
to amplify the sad mood?
to vent my feelings thru singing them?

they speak closely to my life, my story maybe?
i feel that they are the closest companion to me now...
been listening non-stop to them...
especially wo yi wei...
just love it...
cos it makes me feel like crying...
cry and cry and cry...

and i dunno how i can just force myself to fall asleep every night without listening to your voice,
and i especially hate it when i have to wake up every morning to remember how much i miss you all these while...
why dun all of this just end when i finally cant wake up the next morning anymore?
well, cos i know i still wanna live to see you... happy...and well...

and i remembered that you told last friday,
that you dun have the feelings,
that you dun feel like doing things for me...
but girl,
i do remember the things that you did for me...
like how i always love to feed you and to be fed by you?

do u remember the meals that we had in which you let me feed you and you fed me naturally without me insisting to feed u? weren't you doing things for me?

and do u remember the times where u let me plant a peck on your cheek without any resistance and even enjoyed the tenderness? i can always remembered the smile you gave me on the taxi last wednesday when i gave u one...

and even the simple gesture of holding your hand and clutching your waist has already became automatic because you wanted to do it for me... isn't it? or am i deluding myself again? there were so many things that you did for me... isn't it?

and even now...
i seem to understand abit more...
you are doing something for me even as of now...
you are trying to give me fairness,
you wanted to prepare yourself to be able to love me wholeheartedly without thinking of your ex isn't it?
you dun wanna shortchange me because you know i deserve more isn't it?
you are loving me now by wanting to really clear your mind and love me only...
and even if you fail...
you wun want me to get hurt as much,
so you had to do this...
you had to stop me from sinking deeper...
you had to do this because you love me...

i hope i'm right...
i hope you really love me in this way...
else i cant think of any other reason already...

alvinz blogged at 12:29 AM

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