Sunday, December 10, 2006

A zoukout affair... with her n frenz...

i've been pleading to God to help me see the truth in this whole affair,
to help me put an end to my suffering fast...
and i thought my opportunity came when eng choon told me ayumi is giving up her tics cos she's not going anymore...
i knew from our previous conversations that she'll be going with her frenz tonight,
and it seems like God is making my wishes come true...
i prepared myself for the worst answers i might received like she has already made up her mind to stay with him and she's just waiting for the right time to break it to me...

tried to look around for friends to accompany me to zoukout but none of them was free, so i had to go alone but it turned out to be a better decision...

as i was shooting a film before that,
the timing was super tight for me,
and i was almost late for the 9p.m entry time limit for the early birds tics...

finally met up with her friends,
a mixture of close ones and not that close ones,
hit it off with them pretty well,
had a few drinks with them, got us all pretty high before proceeding to dance on the beach...

i wonder if she's happy to see me after so long,
if she is, she's trying really hard to suppress it...

with a lot of people making out in the background and disgusted by what we saw,
i pulled her to a quiet place for a good talk,
a talk which i tot could end this whole thing...

and i started off with "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

she said no, there's nothing...

i told her that i'm prepared for a rejection already, so pls go ahead...
but she said no, she hasn't...

and i trust her in her words,
she still hasn't patch up with her ex...

and i asked her if he has been picking her up to send her home from work every night,
she said no, she took taxi home...

i heave a sigh of relief at that...

i went on to present my views of her previous relationship to her,
to show her another perspective instead of the one that she's currently stuck in...

i analyze just how manipulative her ex was when on so many occasions,
played mind games with her,
from the cool-off period to friendster pics and status, to telling her he has moved on and knowing a new girl, trying to spite her repeatedly...
manipulate her to be under his control,
and she herself is too used to being under his control that she dun even realised this character trait of his!
i mean anyone who is not in love with him can see this truth but she is too drawn to this roller coaster ride that he is giving her...
that perhaps they have a chance of reaching that height when they were really in love with each other again...
he has made her so tuned to him that she cannot control her own will anymore...
she cannot think logically,
she can only think emotionally,
and when someone think emotionally, they can never come up with a rational or a good decision...

she told me that she can never see us quarrelling to the extent that she and her ex will,
and now they are still quarrelling even when they are now of different status...
and man, seriously, wat makes you so sure that he will change for the better if he's laying down terms and conditions for you to love him before he can bring himself to love you?
show him that you love him and he'll love you back 10 times more?
such a childish statement!

cant u see that he is playing with your feelings already?
he has already retreated into a state whereby he doesn't want to put out anymore,
he just wants to get you back for the sake of getting you back!
maybe because he doesn't want to lose to me?
that he treats you nothing more than a trophy?

can a couple function properly if the trust is not there anymore,
nor can they ever have a constructive discussion regarding anything under the sun?

and i dun understand why do u still pin for him when u agreed with me that i'm the one who has been teaching you and guiding you towards growing up and facing the harsh realities in life,
that i'm the one who has been the pillar of support for you all these while,
that no matter wat happens, we just cant get angry with each other,
that i'm the only one that you feel comfortable with discussing such matters with me,
that i'm the one who has shown and given you everything that you've ever crave for in a relationship when we were together,
that we are that perfect together?

i seriously dun understand why i'm the one for you in so many things,
yet i'm still not the one for you...

wat has he done for you other than playing mind games and passing restrictions on you?
and providing you with the physical satisfaction?

if you love someone, would you ever bear to play mind games with him/her and make her suffer?

cant you see?
cant you see?

maybe i'm too nice to you already...
i've always been trying to teach you to become a stronger person,
someone who can make your own decisions and remain firm to it,
someone who can herself provide me with her own view of things, not just listen to me even though i may be more experienced,
someone who is not a zombie,
and i've never rushed you to go into a relationship with me,
only when you are ready and decided to move on...
why would i want a girl who yearns to be manipulated and dun have a mind of her own?
cant you see you are returning to your previous state?

i was just too nice to you
in the way i always wanted to be nice to you...

i just hope that i can help you,
to walk away from a past thats not worth hanging on to...
but you have to decide this step for urself, then i can help you...

alvinz blogged at 11:20 AM

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