Saturday, April 14, 2007

Crows crows, why wun they go away?

Crows are crowing all the time...
giving people the false sense of help...

i just dun understand,
why are there always people with so many things to say?
they think they are trying to help, but in actual fact, they say something to make the person have second thoughts, and then leave the person to sort things out, never ever helping the person to see it thru...
even when the truth has kept proving itself time and time again that they are wrong, they can easily still come back saying things like "I still feel that he is untruthful" when there's no rational behind it...
isn't that doing more harm than good to the person?
What kind of help is that man?
Aren't they like wishing to see more "show" happening?
Adding fuel to the fire only?

I just knew that she was troubled...
troubled by something unknown to me...
something that she has refused to tell me...
and i think she has just leaked it out to me...
people are still talking a lot of nonsense...
and she's still taking everything in without knowing right or wrong...

i just dun understand how can she just dun see the difference between me and other people?

The things that i advice her, that i cautioned her...
the things that i do for her,
the care and concern that i showed her,
the precautions i threw in place to protect her,
i think i can be a very good husband already...

And my concerns are just the same things that her parents would tell her as well?!
but she thinks i'm just like ANY other people,
trying to TELL her what to do...
Trying to force her to accept things irrationally, and want her to do things that i want her to do, no questions ask...

and i asked myself "REally meh? I'm such a manipulative person meh? I'm like a crow who creates trouble meh?"

I looked back towards all those times where i've cautioned her before,
or even pointed out her mistakes at handling her life...
didn't i presented all the facts and figures and analyse things rationally with her,
showed her what would be the consequences of her subsequent actions,
gave my own unbiased point of view,
and showed her the various options avaliable before her so that she could decide for herself?
And even the times when she just dun wanna think so much and just anyhow decide in my way, didn't i advise her never to buckle to the pressure i might be giving her?
She needs to understand why she's doing it for herself, not for my sake the stupid person!

Wah lao, there were so many times where i would have just told her "You are so stupid! Cannot think for urself so let me think for you!" but never once did i do that...
never once did i say "I say so, thats why u must do things MY way!"

She just likes to put herself in dangerous situations,
situations which might deal her a great deal of pain and suffering,
but she just dun wanna listen to me about thinking so much for herself so that she can protect herself!
My advices are falling on deaf ears!

And i can feel it...
i can feel that she is hiding more and more things to herself...
she used to tell me well... most of the things that her friends have been telling her, whether good or bad...
but now?
its just... silence, i dunno, dun wan to say...
i probe?
no use... she just wun say and she might just get even more emotional...
i respect her, hoping she'll tell me one day...
but i think its hard...
well, maybe i'm too harsh to her by showing her the evils of this world one after another till she just dun wanna think so much anymore and finds my advices more annoying than beneficial to her? If i only tell her the good things, things that she likes to hear only and not what she needs to hear which more often than not, are not pleasing to the ears, then i'm not helping her at all! I would be seeing her fall into an abyss which i can see and not doing anything to help her... would that make me a good friend? a good lover? a good caretaker?

If her idea of a good friend or lover is just someone who says nice things everytime, pampers her and give her the illusion of happiness, then sorry i cant do it...

If she dun wanna help herself,
then there's nothing my help can do...
cos i dunno how to help you when i dunno where u need help!?

What can i do?
I'm worried for her and my heart hurts as i see how she continue to live her life the way it is before and continue to get hurt with no lessons learnt at all...
How can anyone continue to be so stupid?

And this reminded me of my parents in their early years of marriage...
where somehow, they always quarrel because my dad goes out with his friends and they teached him all the wrong things which he thought they were trying to help him...
come back and quarrel with my mum for some stupid reason his friends pointed out where due to his simplistic thinking, cant even judge for himself whether they are right or wrong!
how absurd it is when they anyhow just say something like "I look at your wife and think your wife will bring you bad luck! Never get controlled by her, she's a bad wife!" and he actually believed them at that time!
What a great example of crows!
Only know how to wreck havoc within harmony nia...
Good thing my dad has since woken up and learnt from his lessons liao, and it wasn't an easy journey too... think it took him about 15 years into his marriage to realise his folly... How can a husband not trust his wife who loves him more than anyone else?

How can she not trust me more than anyone else when i love her more than anyone else in my life?

And i realised, its not the crows who are at fault, they are just behaving like themselves!
Who's at fault is the one who seeks to listen to them and bring harm upon herself...
so who can blame anyone but themselves?
Stupid girl!
Thinking that if she dun give her friends the chance to voice their opinions, she might lose them?
But if its only trouble that they give, i would rather not have them as friends...

I'm disappointed, tired and demoralised...
but i still need to gather her spirits together and cheer her up again...
But why would a nobody in her life do that for her time and time again?

I'm a nobody, i dun get recognised for my efforts repeatedly...
I'm stupid, really very stupid...
And she still dunno that its the kind of sacrificial love i'm giving her...
The kind that all girls crave...

I love you girl with all my life...
But i'm dying here because of your foolishness...

alvinz blogged at 10:54 AM

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