Saturday, April 14, 2007

Tried to sleep after my last post but i cant...
tears just kept flowing...
i dun understand just why must this happen to me now?
Right at this moment?
barely 5 days to my first paper...
must my inner strength be tested all the time?

i forgot that i only had a meal today...
too busy to eat anything after i went around the whole of orchard this afternoon searching for the present to cheer her up...
my stomach is empty and uncomfortable but my mouth just refuse to take in anything...

I'm tired but my mind just refuses to stop thinking of things...

thinking of all the things that i've done for her...
all the smiles and happiness i've given her...

never getting appreciated by her...
never once did she stand up for me when peole talk bad about me...
"Just listening and taking in everything people tell me and i dun wish to tell anyone" she says...

by now, i'm still just an outsider...
nothing more...
i give her everything and she took everything and left me nothing...

and all these felt so real...

she says she hates her bf for hiding things from her...
because she'll be hurt even more when she found out herself...
but she has became the very thing she despises...
and this time, i'm the victim...
but the feelings are the same...

she would rather make the effort to encourage him to do well in his exams than encourage me...
so much for a dinner... nicely sum up with a hug that will make her cry after that...
normal dinner or normal outing?
ya rite...

i would certainly be so happy even if she just ask me out for dinner...
just to see her making a little effort to make me happy...
but i dun think i'll see it...

I'm so heartbroken and i dunno just how soon can i pick myself up again...
will i fail my exams this time?
does it matter anyway...?
will she even care anyway?
isn't she more concern about him in any way more than me?

i'm so stupid... so stupid...

alvinz blogged at 11:27 PM

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